Coming to the Crossroads

I’m in the middle of the painting and I am at a crossroads. I know what I should do. It is a risky choice. The painting is moving now and I can’t stay still and do nothing. I have to act. There is doubt in my heart. I never really know. I only believe. I need a broad area of paint. There will be no going back. It might make the painting but my fear worries it could destroy it. I can’t cling too much to certainty. Watercolor goes forward and does not stand still. Time plays a role. The time spent in indecision is just as pivotal as the time spent in action. I swirl my large brush in clean water and I am on the way. On the way to something I do not 100% know. I mix the ultramarine blue with the royal purple and spread it out on my palette while twisting the water and paint together and looking at what it will be. It’s not exactly what I was going for so I add a bit of cadmium orange. It’s not what is in my mind but my mind is simply the goal. It is never the actuality. I make adjustments on my cellulose sponge to get a better water to paint ratio. Micro split second judgments happen in rapid fire succession. The next flow of watercolor changes the paper forever. I attack like I am at war with a beast. Most of the time there are no words. I’m only writing this to remind myself of how this works. I am never able to fully enjoy the product. There is always regret that I can do better the next time I pick up a brush.