As much as it can feel like life has no direction and is going everywhere all at once, the truth is it only goes one way. One time. It will worry you to suppose how things might’ve been perfect had you turned left instead of right.
I teach workshops and tell people it’s more important to make a bunch of imperfect brushstrokes that work together than to make each brushstroke perfect. No such thing as perfect anyway.
There are an infinite number of possible universes that could’ve been: The career juncture that was missed, the young romance that didn’t blossom, the opportunity that didn’t happen. But there’s only one way it goes.
To make the best choice with a guaranteed outcome is not possible. And even if I could, there is no way I could predict the good or bad ongoing ripples of that one event. I have to act with faith and make up for doubt with my effort and intent. Often right is not what is chosen but what is made of the choice.
When I “what if” too much about the past, I invite regret and that’s the worst. Regret kills the spirit of choosing in the now. Of course there are many things I wish I’d done differently or better. Or not at all. There are some thing’s that deserve regret but not so much that I only look back.Its hard to look in the mirror in the moment and see those things but it’s also hard to move on.
For me painting is a process of refining and not an attaining of something perfect. To choose as well as I can then make the best of it.
I wish I could live my life as well as I paint. Painting is easy. Life not so much. But painting can have a good effect.
At the beginning my choices might be many but I can only have one and leave the others behind. Like the monkey that reaches in the hole and grabs the fruit that’s too big. Some thing’s have to be let go of before I can truly have. There’s a point where the hypothetical has no bearing on reality.
Because I live in a real world. The world of one choice.